What a difference a year makes.
Last year, to the day, when I was in San Francisco, I was a stressed-out, high-strung disaster with my hair falling out in clumps and heading toward a nervous breakdown between my personal and professional life.
This trip, I’m at a job that recognizes and uses my talents, finally living in a house I bought 6 years ago in a place where I’ve always wanted to live, taking classes and being involved in groups I’ve always had an interest in, and have pretty much removed all the toxic people and things in my life as I work toward finding balance.
I posted the above on Facebook while I was waiting for my flight back to Newark at the airport last week. Then, I ordered a glass of champagne to celebrate, because for once, I decided, I am gong to celebrate my accomplishments — something I am normally not very good at.
This was not an easy thing to do – admit how everything was a mess previously, how my dream job was actually a nightmare and how I was letting stress ruin my life. Nor was it easy to admit how far I have come in a year.
But, I felt it was important to share this. First, it was cathartic for me to write it down. It’s partly why I write this blog. Second, I am not good at expressing my feelings in person, so maybe some people who weren’t sure what was going on with me, could just read that and understand some of my life changes.
Someone asked how I did it, which actually made me stop and think. I couldn’t really pinpoint one exact thing, but something just clicked one day. When things started getting to the point where my reputation was being compromised for no fault of my own, I new it was time to get another job, which I think is what set everything in motion.
I was, and am, extremely lucky to have found a position that really utilizes my talents and expertise, and lets me express my creativity and practice what I am good at. It also allows me to always keep learning. No two days are ever the same.
As a result it has allowed me to finally live in the house I bought six years ago in a place I have always wanted to live. It’s not the easiest place to make friends or have a social life, but it’s a place I truly love and feel at home about. Will I live there forever? Who knows, but I do know it is where I am supposed to be right now.
Piggybacking on that, I was able to find a holistic chiropractor who helped a friend of mine when western medicine wasn’t working. Working with him has changed my life in ways I cannot even explain. Finally, someone has listened to how I have felt for years and didn’t tell me I was crazy. In the short month I have been working with him, I am on a road that is allowing me to mostly eat without being sick to my stomach and needing to lie down right after.
I’ve decided to stop being afraid of things and just try doing them. That resulted in joining the local Kennel Club and taking classes, doing yoga in the backyard every morning, taking vacations that I want to, without worrying if someone is going to criticize me and doing things I previously wouldn’t on my own.
Another big change from last year was adding another dog to my life. It was really bad timing, but Maddux coming into my life when he did has proven to be the best thing for me and my other dog. A very calm, chill puppy, he has taught me so much, and he has been a wonderful companion for my first dog, Toby.
It has been a learning experience. A lesson in not being so hard on myself, in learning to relax, in enjoying what I am doing now and being present in the moment. It’s an ongoing work in progress as I learn to find balance in my life.
I hope, you will join me in this journey and follow along. All of these posts will be tagged “Finding Balance” so they will be easy to find.
So, tell me, what does finding balance or happiness mean to you?